Chapter Ninety — Weighing the Balance

"I, Si Nan, have always gotten whatever I wanted. The women I set my sights on have never slipped through my fingers, and no one has ever turned me down. You are the first."

Si Nan smiled, but the smile never reached his eyes. He looked at Lin Xiaowen, who was staring at him, and simply sat down on the carpet as well, continuing at his leisure.

"At first I didn't know who you were. I only thought you were different from the other women, so I found you rather interesting. But I never expected that you didn't have the slightest interest in me at all... There was nothing to be done. I had to start from somewhere else. But the result not only left me in a state of deep frustration for a time, it also shocked me... So it turns out you were the woman who indirectly caused my brother's death all those years ago."

"I didn't!" At the mention of Si Dong, a spark of light suddenly flickered in Lin Xiaowen's dead, ashen eyes.

"Whether you admit it or not, and whatever exactly happened back then, in the eyes of the Si family, you are the only person responsible for Si Dong's death."

Word by word, Si Nan watched Lin Xiaowen's face grow even paler.

Lin Xiaowen fell silent. She knew she could not defend herself no matter how many words she spoke. Just as Old Master Si had refused to hear her explanation back then, she simply stopped talking and let Si Nan go on by himself.

"Si Dong... my brother, and the Si family's proudest son. Since childhood he excelled in both conduct and studies, and the family elders had already decided he would be the future heir to the Ran Dong Group. If not for that fire on the eve of his discharge from the army, I think all of our fates would have been different."

"You and Ran Ran would not have been left alone all these years after my brother's departure. My father would not have suffered such a severe blow, falling gravely ill and going white-haired overnight. And I... I would not have had to give up what I loved, to take his place as the family's so-called heir... nor would I ever..."

Si Nan's voice grew lower and lower, until at last it sounded almost like a murmur in his sleep.

He glanced sideways at Lin Xiaowen, whose gaze was devoid of color, and swallowed back the words he had not said. After a pause, he went on.

"So, do you think I would let you live some happy little life? Of course not. Since I cannot live the life I want, then let us be bound together instead, and be unhappy and miserable together... How nice that would be, don't you think?"

Suddenly Si Nan burst into a fit of laughter. His expression and tone were more like those of a madman, until by the end he seemed almost crazed beyond control.

"You lunatic. You're nothing but a lunatic."

Lin Xiaowen had never feared anyone so much. Not even when Si Dong died, not even the first time she faced Old Master Si, had she been this afraid.

The man before her looked so courteous, so well-bred. At least the first time she met him, and even the second, Lin Xiaowen had believed exactly that.

But after more and more encounters, she finally realized that the person before her was extremely dangerous, even monstrously twisted.

If he could not have the happiness he wanted, then no one else was to have it either?

What kind of mind could produce such logic? It was a completely warped personality.

"Lunatic?"

At last Si Nan forced down his wild laughter. He seemed to consider the word seriously, then nodded with great earnestness.

"Yes, a lunatic is not bad either. If being a lunatic can make one happy, then what does it matter if others call you one?"

So Lin Xiaowen truly looked at him with the eyes of someone examining a madman, and said in a low voice, "Give Ran Ran back to me."

Si Nan tilted his head to look at her, the corner of one mouth lifting.

"Have you made up your mind? Have you decided?"

Lin Xiaowen clenched her teeth so hard they ground audibly. If the hatred in her eyes could have pierced through his chest, Si Nan's body would long since have been riddled with holes.

Lin Xiaowen refused to speak. Si Nan, however, rose rather cheerfully, clapped his hands, and said, "I understand. Rest here for a while first. I'll go make arrangements. Later tonight I'll have someone come for you."

Si Nan turned to leave. Suddenly Lin Xiaowen sprang up, grabbed his arm, and cried anxiously, "Make arrangements for what? I want you to bring Ran Ran to me now, immediately... It's already dark. Ran Ran can't be left alone in an unfamiliar place..."

At the thought of that tiny child locked in an empty room, with not a single familiar face beside her, Lin Xiaowen's heart ached so badly she could no longer bear it. Would she be frightened? Would she cry? Would she be cold?

Thinking of this, Lin Xiaowen finally could not hold back. Tears fell in a trembling stream down her face.

Through all the times they had exchanged harsh words, through all the deadlocked confrontations, Lin Xiaowen had never once shown weakness or shed tears before Si Nan.

Seeing this woman, slender yet inwardly stronger than others her age, Si Nan felt a new stir in his heart.

"Someone will keep her company."

Lin Xiaowen clutched his arm even tighter and shook her head. "No. If a stranger stays with her, she'll be uneasy. She'll be afraid."

Si Nan gave a soft laugh, took her hand in his, and as Lin Xiaowen tried hard to pull free, he said, "Otherwise, shall I also bring Miss Xu here? How about that?"

His light, careless words struck Lin Xiaowen like thunder. She stumbled back a step.

Only then did Si Nan look at her with satisfaction. He reached out and gently tucked the loose hair at her cheeks behind her ear, saying, "Behave yourself and stay here. After tonight, tomorrow morning I will personally bring Ran Ran to you."

As Si Nan turned to leave, he seemed to remember something and paused again, though he did not turn around. He merely said coolly, "Don't misunderstand. There's a banquet tonight, and I need to attend with a female companion, so I'll have to trouble Miss Lin to accompany me and help entertain our hosts. Oh, right... we may even run into Miss Lin's former boyfriend, so you'd best prepare yourself. I suppose I don't need to teach you what to say or do, do I?"

Shaking lips, bewildered eyes—every sign showed Lin Xiaowen's helplessness and pain at that moment. Just as Si Nan thought she might erupt into hysterics, curse him, or even attack him, he heard her quietly say, as if he were beneath her notice:

"Get out. Now."

Si Nan let out a cold breath and stayed no longer.

His steps were slow yet heavy, and like that thick wooden door, they shut away every possibility with a hard finality, turning all things from 'possible' into 'never.'

The carpet in the corridor remained the softest and most comfortable thing. His leather shoes sank into it, leaving shallow prints that slowly rose again.

With his head bowed, Si Nan watched his shoes make one footprint after another, while in his mind he imagined how that same impression had just quietly returned to its original state.

Only when he had gone all the way to the study at the far end of the corridor, and the leather soles struck the solid wooden floor with a clear sound, did Si Nan finally stop. He turned back and gently closed the door.

In the darkness, the bright eyes beneath him were slowly veiled by a layer of gloom. Si Nan closed his eyes. His fists, clenched at his sides with such force that his nails dug deeply into his palms, still could not make him fully clear-headed.

He very much wanted someone to tell him whether this was right.

More secretly, he imagined that if his elder brother were still alive, would he have personally taught him how to handle the matter before him?

Facing the woman who had once belonged to his only brother, facing the woman he himself loved, was his method too excessive? Too cruel?

But if he did not do this, if he did not make a decision quickly enough and let the old man get there first, once the Shanghai matter was discovered, once Ran Ran was discovered, once Lin Xiaowen was discovered, even once the connection between Lin Xiaowen and Cheng Yishu came to light, then what awaited them would be the point at which the whole matter could no longer be undone.