Chapter 45 — The Past (Part II)

Beneath the tranquil night, memories lay like old, yellowed pages of books one cannot bear to open again...

"After that time, the man was completely frightened of me. He promised he would treat my mother well from then on, and never lay a hand on her again! But the school was resolute; they wouldn't allow me to return. And so, I began a life of wandering the streets..."

Cheng Yishu paused for a moment as he recalled this, exhaling slowly. Lin Xiaowen thought he might not continue, but after a brief silence, Cheng Yishu spoke again.

"Back then, talent shows were all the rage. A friend suggested we try our luck—food and shelter provided, drifting anywhere made no difference. The two of us signed up on a whim, not expecting the rounds to be so easy to pass. My friend's luck wasn't as good, but I, quite by accident, drifted into the industry and ended up taking second place nationwide. Later, on the night of the finals, I met the person who would change the course of my life..."

For some reason, Lin Xiaowen suddenly felt her hands and feet turning numb, a faint and powerless weakness spreading through her.

Because she could clearly see the pain and longing in Cheng Yishu's eyes—the sorrow of yearning for something unattainable.

"She was beautiful, gentle, and even the light in her eyes was warm. She walked up to me and asked if I wanted to go further in this world, to one day stand on a bigger, more dazzling stage. In that moment, I was captivated. I didn't know if it was her words or her very presence that made me surrender so utterly. In any case, I agreed to everything she proposed, because I knew that at that time, aside from the title of second place, I had nothing at all..."

Lin Xiaowen pulled the corners of her lips into a silent, bitter smile.

"The night before I left for Korea to become a trainee, I told that man to remember his promise to me. If I ever found out he'd hurt my mother again, I would never forgive him... He just hung his head, saying nothing. My mother pulled me aside and told me not to worry, that she would take care of herself—and she explained the real reason he changed..."

"My mother said he became more and more dissatisfied with her, and hated me, all because she refused to have another child. And the reason she didn't want another was that she feared I would be treated differently in the future. All these years, it was because of me that my mother endured so much suffering!"

As a mother herself, Lin Xiaowen understood all too well how Cheng Yishu's mother must have felt. So as his words fell, she couldn't help the sting at her nose or the redness around her eyes.

Her trembling hand unknowingly wrapped around his arm, as if to give comfort and strength...

The cool touch of her fingertips brought him back from his memories. Cheng Yishu blinked away the moisture in his eyes and sniffed, turning to look at Lin Xiaowen, whose eyes were as red as a rabbit's, and said softly,

"That's why I want you to see clearly, to think carefully. Are you truly prepared to form a new family? Will that person treat Ranran as his own, with true fatherly love? I know too well the hardship of a woman raising a child alone, but if you make the wrong choice, your life—and Ranran's—will not improve, but only become worse. Do you understand what I mean?"

Though his tone was gentle, his words struck Lin Xiaowen's heart with force, leaving her face pale with the turmoil within.

In truth, Lin Xiaowen had never really considered finding a man to build a family with—at least, up to now, there was no one who could inspire that thought in her.

Just as Cheng Yishu's mother had feared, she worried that a new man would not treat Ranran well, or would someday demand another child, gradually neglecting Ranran. That was something Lin Xiaowen could never tolerate.

"I don't truly want to get married," Lin Xiaowen said quietly. "I can raise Ranran on my own. No matter how hard it is, I can bear it... but—"

At first, Cheng Yishu felt relieved at her words, but when she left her thought hanging, he couldn't help but ask, "But what?"

He pressed carefully, "Is it... that you've already fallen for someone?"

Cheng Yishu's eyes were bright and clear, as if he could see straight into her heart. Lin Xiaowen averted her gaze and withdrew her hand from his arm.

As the cool touch left him, Cheng Yishu quickly caught her hand before she could let it fall.

Startled, Lin Xiaowen looked at him again. Their eyes met, and the air between them grew subtly charged.

Her heart pounded wildly, and for a moment, her mind went blank, forgetting even to pull her hand back.

Cheng Yishu's expression was solemn, his brows furrowed, his gaze burning as it fixed on her. He opened his mouth, then pressed his lips tightly together, swallowing all the words he couldn't speak.

"She was beautiful, gentle, and the light in her eyes was always warm..."

Just minutes ago, Cheng Yishu had described a woman in exactly those words, with such deep and enduring love in his eyes...

"Lin Xiaowen, what on earth are you still thinking..."

She jerked her hand back, frustrated that her heart had not yet calmed, that her pulse thundered on.

She turned away, ignoring the disappointment that flickered across Cheng Yishu's eyes.

"I understand," she said.

"What do you understand?" Cheng Yishu asked in confusion. Why wouldn't this woman answer him directly?

"I said I'll think it over carefully. Thank you for telling me all this tonight," Lin Xiaowen replied, her back to him.

"But I... I was asking you, you—"

Before Cheng Yishu could finish, Lin Xiaowen was already walking away, raising her voice to say,

"Ranran is the most important person to me, my only hope for the future. So before I make any decision, I'll always consider her feelings first, and the impact it might have on her life..."

When she looked at Cheng Yishu again, her face had regained its composure, even carrying a polite, distant air.

"So you don't need to worry. I'll take good care of Ranran."

Silence fell once more. Cheng Yishu stood at the window, unmoving, watching this small woman and listening to an answer that was not what he had hoped for.

Suddenly, he gave a self-mocking smile, nodded gently, and said quietly,

"Ranran is clever and understanding. She'll grow up to be a filial child."

Perhaps he was picturing a future day, a certain scene, when Ranran had already grown up...

Lin Xiaowen smiled softly, and murmured an almost inaudible "mm."