Chapter 96: The Thing I Hate Most

Ugh! So soft! And yet with just the right spring to it! I’m going to die!

Die of pleasure? Or be crushed to death by a knee to the ribs? Or maybe both?

Perhaps that was what it meant to suffer and delight in the same breath.

On the other side, the innocent little girl had no idea that her weapon had just dealt a hundred-thousand-point critical hit to a virgin. She still honestly believed she had crushed Mumu to death.

Overwhelmed with panic and terror, Natalia called out in a shaking whisper.

“Comrade Colonel?”

“Drauski?”

“Major?”

“Don’t scare me! I really didn’t mean to!”

If the gunfire around the steel pipe had not still been crackling on and on, little Natalia would probably have burst into tears on the spot. If the handsome older brother who had saved her twice had really been killed by her, she would never forgive herself for the rest of her life.

The large pipe was driven into the snow at a forty-five-degree angle, leaving very little room to move. Worse still, only the uppermost opening admitted a sliver of light; the bottom of the pipe was pure darkness.

Natalia was completely flustered.

“Ugh! Ugh!” Mumu made a sound.

“Thank goodness, Major, you’re not dead. Hm? What did you say?”

“Ugh, ugh, ugh!”

In the darkness, Natalia suddenly realized the sound seemed to be coming from her belly.

She shifted slightly, and at last heard the man beneath her gasp out, “Your chest is suffocating me!”

Natalia’s face went scarlet in an instant. Fortunately, the surroundings were pitch-black; otherwise she would have wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it. She hurriedly leaned back, and immediately heard the man below her gulping for air.

“Huff! Huff! Huff! I nearly went to meet Marx.”

In the Red country, that was the same as saying you had gone to see God.

Natalia was mortified. “Sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. Are you all right?”

“Uh, I’m fine. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good.” Mumu did not mind a woman on top all that much, but he still thought it best to adjust a little. “Then could you move a bit? I’m not very comfortable.”

The two of them fumbled closely together in the cramped space, at last managing to tilt their heads toward the upper end of the pipe. Unfortunately, the pipe was too small. Setting aside the places where neither could lean back, they were practically cheek to cheek, pressed together side by side.

If not for the bullets that kept skimming the pipe from time to time, the scene might have been rather romantic.

Alas, the sharp clatter of ricochets ruined the mood.

This steel pipe, a full meter thick with walls over five centimeters, could not be pierced by ordinary bullets unless a tank gun were brought to bear.

Natalia looked up at the almost threadlike opening of light and asked, “So what do we do now? Up there, if we’re careful, we might be able to crawl out.”

Mumu was experienced enough to answer at once, “We’re unlucky. We’re stuck right in the middle of the battlefield. If we go out like this, the Huns’ machine guns will make us their priority. We’d be dead for sure.”

At least six German MG42s were roaring in Mumu’s hearing. On the Soviet side, there were also two Maxim M1910 heavy machine guns. Under that kind of fire, even with his full powers unleashed he could barely protect himself, and taking care of a rookie black widow was simply too much.

“So then...”

“So we wait. Once night falls, the fighting won’t be nearly so fierce. It’ll also be easier to slip back.”

“Brother, I’ll listen to you.”

Waiting on a battlefield was, without question, maddening.

“Brother, can you tell me about yourself? How did you become a lieutenant colonel?” In those days, promotions in the Red Army were brutally strict. Your rank matched your achievements, nothing more.

What the people of the Red country admired most about Stalin was that he was willing to send even his own son to the front. His eldest, Yakov Dzhugashvili, was still in a German prisoner-of-war camp. Even Stalin’s own son could not stay in the rear and become a general by polishing nonexistent merits or writing a few military papers, let alone anyone else.

Every officer was the real thing.

“Nothing special. Just these past few days, I wiped out a German army headquarters and killed two generals. Then a few days ago I slipped into the enemy’s lair and captured Hermann Hoth, the commander of their Fourth Army. That’s how I became a lieutenant colonel.”

In the darkness, the lieutenant colonel’s collar tabs reflected a captivating gleam.

Mumu of course knew he was showing off, but he had still underestimated just how astonishing his achievements were in this nation that worshiped the military with near-religious fervor.

Beside him, Natalia instantly turned into a starstruck admirer. Even in the dim light, one could clearly see the fervent glow in her eyes.

“Brother... you’re incredible... Ugh! I suddenly thought of my parents... They’re probably... already dead, aren’t they... somewhere in a cold corner of this city... Ugh! Thank you! Thank you so much... for avenging them! Brother... I suddenly really want to kiss you... Is that all right?”

Natalia was already choking on her tears. Beneath her grief there was also a different kind of heat in her eyes.

“Uh, sure...” Mumu answered almost on reflex.

Something that good, only an idiot would refuse.

Did he really want to wait until thirty and still be a virgin?

Uh, no—wait, it seemed he was already a virgin wizard.

While his thoughts wandered, Natalia’s red lips drew nearer and nearer.

Closer!

Closer!

Even closer!

Ah—so I can finally stop being single!

Wa-ha-ha!

Most Soviet girls were straightforward and passionate, especially with the triple boost of avenging her parents, a national hero, and a life-saving benefactor. Natalia’s affection for him had practically shot through the roof.

And then, at that very moment—

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat!

Clang-clang-clang-clang-clang—

The machine-gun rounds that suddenly hammered the steel pipe outside them burst into the most terrifying notes imaginable. It felt as though every single bullet was striking their own bodies, as though flesh and bone were being torn apart with the ease of rotten cloth and paper.

The kiss that had been promised turned, in Natalia’s panic, into a tight embrace.

At long last, when the damned machine-gun fire finally ceased and the gunner shifted to another target...

There was no trace left of any romantic atmosphere.

Natalia stretched her full lips into an awkward smile.

There was still a kiss, of course—only it had changed from the mouth-to-mouth kiss she had meant to give her handsome brother into a gentle kiss on the forehead. Seeing Mumu look so resentful, she laughed again and added one more, but that one landed on his cheek.

Could such a friendship kiss in a place like this be compared to the real thing?

Mumu stared blankly like a fool.

What happened to the novels? What about holding a jade-like beauty in his arms, then storming the fortress with a filthy tongue? What happened to the counterattack? If there had not been bullets flying everywhere, he might even have been perfectly willing to pin Natalia down right here.

Now there was nothing at all.

The cold wind blew away the heat.

The light in her eyes also returned to clarity.

Some things were just like that. Once you had gathered your courage and broken through the barrier of that half-friend, half-lover atmosphere, everything was easy to say.

But once you could not move forward, you often slid backward instead.

Ugh! I hate you to death!