Chapter Nine: Which TV Station Are You From?

“My name is Bai Qingming, and I was born into an ordinary family. My mother told me that when I was born, a cloud of auspicious light appeared in the sky, drifting ever closer until it floated above our rooftop and transformed into a single word: ‘Handsome!’

When my father saw me, he wept inconsolably for a month and a half, absolutely refusing to believe that I was the product of his chromosomes. Several times, he charged at my mother’s bedside with a kitchen knife, threatening to chop me into mincemeat, and it was only my mother’s willingness to lay down her life for me that allowed me to survive.”

The assembled reporters were speechless.

Bai Qingming spoke with confidence and eloquence, expounding at length as if he were giving a speech, his enthusiasm growing as he went on, unable to stop himself.

“My grandfather has had glaucoma for over a decade, unable to distinguish between man and dog from more than a meter away. Yet when I appeared before him, the old man burst into tears, destroyed his own eyesight, and vowed never to see the light of day again, declaring that he dared not look upon people anymore, lest disaster befall him.

Later, my mother, determined to prove her innocence, dragged my father to the hospital for a paternity test. The doctor took one look at me, broke into tears, wiped his nose, and said, ‘Go home. This is not your son, nor anyone’s son—no human could possibly give birth to such a handsome child…’”

“…”

“So, I am all too aware of just how handsome I am!”

At last, Bai Qingming finished speaking, and everyone present was left utterly bewildered.

Brother, we’ve seen shameless people before, but never anyone as shameless as you!

Especially the female reporter conducting the interview: despite her wealth of experience, she now found herself at a loss for words.

I only asked a casual question—why did you have to answer so seriously?

Don’t you understand the concept of polite small talk?

At that moment, the viewers watching the livestream burst out laughing.

“Host Xiu’er, I’ve never seen anyone praise themselves so much.”

“Host, are you talking about me?”

“Nonsense, upstairs! The host is clearly talking about me.”

Meanwhile, Wang, looking at Bai Qingming, was filled with envy.

This is what it means to have culture! Faced with an interview, he could rattle off so much on the spot, and every word sounded impressive. Truly remarkable.

Wang had never admired anyone in his life—not even the opponents who had beaten him in boxing matches—but today, he was thoroughly convinced by Bai Qingming.

At the same time, Wang made a mental note, silently memorizing Bai Qingming’s outrageous words. He might not remember all of them, but whatever he could recall would come in handy the next time he had a chance to show off.

“Ahem, do you have anything you’d like to say before we wrap up?” The female reporter forced a smile, her expression on the verge of going numb.

Bai Qingming thought for a moment and replied, “I’d like to say a few words to Captain Liu.”

Hearing this, Captain Liu, who was directing the scene cleanup nearby, looked over. With his experience, he had already guessed what Bai Qingming was about to say.

He’d been interviewed by reporters before while on duty.

At moments like these, those who called the police usually just wanted to express some thanks: thank you to the people’s police for protecting us, you’ve worked hard—standard lines, nothing surprising.

Relieved, the reporter signaled the cameraman to give both Bai Qingming and Captain Liu a close-up.

To be honest, she had regretted her question the moment she asked it, fearing that Bai Qingming would once again go off script and deliver another outrageous speech.

Thankfully, it seemed Bai Qingming knew to behave.

“If you have something to say, you can say it to Captain Liu now,” the reporter prompted.

Bai Qingming nodded. Captain Liu had already prepared his response.

Just like that, Bai Qingming spoke:

“Is there a reward for catching murderers?”

“To protect the people, we… hmm???” Captain Liu was caught off guard.

He had been about to say, “To protect the people is our duty,” but Bai Qingming’s question made him swallow the rest of his words.

“If you’re asking about a reward…” Captain Liu considered for a moment. “The three murderers together are worth three hundred thousand. You two will have to come to the station to make a statement, and then I’ll report it to the higher-ups.”

“No problem!” Bai Qingming agreed at once.

“That concludes our interview. Thank you both for your cooperation.” The female reporter tried to wrap things up, but before she could finish, Wang grabbed the microphone.

“Wait, I have something to say,” Wang announced earnestly.

For a moment, all eyes turned to him.

“What would you like to say?” The reporter recovered quickly and signaled for the cameraman to start filming again.

But Wang froze.

Truth be told, he’d been watching Bai Qingming hog the interview and felt a pang of jealousy. After all, this was a chance to be on TV and make his family proud—he wanted a few more minutes in the spotlight.

But now, having grabbed the mic, Wang realized he had no idea what to say. He couldn’t just repeat Bai Qingming’s speech—that gem he wanted to save for a future occasion. So what should he do now?

In an instant, inspiration struck.

He knew exactly what to say.

Even though he hadn’t had much schooling and couldn’t string together fancy sentences, he was only trying to get more screen time. There was no need to rack his brain for words!

With that thought, Wang began:

“Hello everyone, let me introduce myself. My name is Wang Lidu, I’m thirty-two, I enjoy singing, dancing, rapping, and basketball. I’m still single, so if any ladies are interested in dating, please add me on WeChat. My WeChat number is…”

He didn’t care what he was saying—whatever came to mind, he said aloud.

In the livestream chat:

“Damn, Brother Wang is a legend—he’s turned a proper interview into a matchmaking show!”

“We all had nine years of compulsory education—how is Brother Wang so outstanding?”

“Host, ask Wang if he’s taking apprentices! I want to learn from him!”

Everyone present, including the viewers in Bai Qingming’s livestream, was completely floored by Wang’s antics.

This was a textbook example of a surprise move—truly brilliant!

And so, Wang managed to secure himself five whole minutes of screen time.

The female reporter suffered the first ambush of her career, left with psychological trauma. She rushed through her closing remarks and fled with the cameraman.

Wang, still not satisfied, turned to the other reporters who hadn’t gotten a chance.

“Which TV station are you from?”

“Oh, hell no!” The reporters were in shock.

After what had just happened, who would dare continue the interview?

They scattered, running off faster than anyone could blink.

“Let’s go, come with me to the station,” Captain Liu called, getting into the police car.

Bai Qingming and Wang sat in the back.

As soon as he got in, Bai Qingming began filming everything with his phone.

“What are you doing?” Captain Liu asked, puzzled.

Bai Qingming ignored him, instead holding his phone out to capture the entire interior of the police car on camera.

“Come on, everyone—most of you have never been in a police car, right? Ever wondered what it looks like inside? Well, your host finally has the chance to show you live. If you’ve never seen it before, don’t miss out!”

“…” Captain Liu was speechless.