Chapter Thirty-Nine: Even Goddesses Relieve Themselves—They Might Even Get Constipated

On screen, one question after another appeared in the scrolling comments, with the devoted fans tirelessly sharing their own stories. Some insiders spoke with bitterness, others watched for amusement, but most grew increasingly exasperated the more they read.

“Damn! Why are there so many of these hopeless romantics?”

“What is this? Are you all competing to see who can grovel the most?”

“I suspect the guy above is trying to be edgy, but I have no proof.”

“Can’t you just act like a decent person? Did your parents raise you for nothing? Why choose to be a doormat?”

“You just don’t get it, the pleasure of being a doormat is beyond your imagination.”

Countless comments flooded the screen, and Bai Qingming fell silent.

He hadn’t expected that a casual act today would suddenly bring so many hopeless romantics out of the woodwork.

It was truly shocking.

Inside the livestream, many viewers were already egging the host on to berate these hopeless cases and wake them up.

To be fair, these so-called doormats were a rather peculiar breed. Some say that in the end, all they get is nothing, while others claim that if they persist, they’ll eventually get what they want.

But in Bai Qingming’s eyes, these people deserved no pity; they had it coming.

Don’t talk to him about “loving to the extreme” or suggest that only true love could make someone act like this.

To put it simply, Bai Qingming believed: those who are pitiful must have something detestable about them too. If you fail in your groveling, you deserve no sympathy; even if you succeed, happiness will never be yours.

To be honest, Bai Qingming really wanted to shake these pitiable fools awake, but he couldn’t just do that.

How to put it?

Surely no one actually believed he could break these habits with just a few harsh words?

Let’s be realistic—that’s impossible.

As long as their goddess gives them the slightest attention, these hopeless romantics will revert to their old ways, smiling eagerly and returning to their fawning behavior, which has become ingrained down to their very bones.

In truth, Bai Qingming had long since grown weary of this social phenomenon and decided it was time to do something.

For instance, he could dedicate a song to all the hopeless romantics currently watching his stream.

At that very moment—

Ding~

[Popularity has reached 8 million. Host’s current needs detected. Awarding special skill: Mastery of Traditional Performing Arts.]

Unbeknownst to him, the viewer count for Bai Qingming’s livestream had already hit eight million. Having reached the milestone, the system presented its reward.

The next moment, a glowing screen appeared before Bai Qingming’s eyes.

[Host: Bai Qingming]
[Next reward unlocks at 15 million popularity]
[Current popularity: 8 million]
[Remaining lottery chances: 0]
[Rewards acquired: a luxury mansion at Tomson Riviera, a global limited edition Bugatti Veyron, master-level combat skills, special skill: fire avoidance, mastery of traditional performing arts]

(Note: The “mastery of traditional performing arts” is a special skill. When the host sings, accompaniment will be generated automatically for use during livestreams.)

Afraid Bai Qingming might not understand the new skill, the system had even thoughtfully added a note.

Truth be told, while this reward wasn’t as tangible as a mansion or a luxury car, it was exactly what Bai Qingming needed right now.

After all, he had never studied music. Whenever he sang those goofy songs, even if he managed to cobble together a simple accompaniment, something always felt missing. Now, the problem was solved—no more hassle in the future.

Snapping back to himself, Bai Qingming looked into the camera and spoke slowly.

“Friends, for the issues you’ve raised, I’ll answer with a song.”

As soon as he finished, the accompaniment to the song he had in mind began to play, and the viewers could already hear it.

In an instant, the livestream chat exploded with excitement.

“The spiritual leader is about to sing again? I finally caught him live!”

“Enough talk, get ready to record!”

“Gifts are ready—just tell us what song it is this time!”

“I’m really liking this accompaniment, can’t wait to hear it!”

Almost everyone watching had heard Bai Qingming’s viral hit “Song of the Single Dog,” and his later performance of “Isn’t It Just Because You’re Not Good-Looking” was just as beloved by netizens.

Everyone knew that anything produced by the “Godfather of Singles” was guaranteed to be a hit.

“A ‘Hopeless Romantic Disco,’ dedicated to all of you!”

Bai Qingming announced the song title.

At the mere mention of the name, viewers started showering him with gifts. With a title like that, the Godfather of Singles was sure to deliver.

And then, Bai Qingming began to sing.

[If I must grovel, I’ll even be a dog.]
[If it means being humble, so be it—she’s just so beautiful.]
[With my poor circumstances, of course I have to win her favor.]
[Is there really anything wrong with how I think?]

The moment these opening lines were sung, the comments exploded.

“Damn, these lyrics hit hard!”

“Haha, I knew it—this song is something else!”

All the hopeless romantics in the livestream were dumbfounded.

They’d expected Bai Qingming to sing something comforting, but instead, his first words struck right at their souls.

He really wasn’t holding back!

But Bai Qingming paid no mind, and sang with earnestness.

[I’ve been a minus two since childhood—no money, weak bones.]
[Mom says I look like a stray mutt, Dad gives me a kick whenever he sees me.]
[Teachers lead my classmates to shun me, saying I’m just too weird.]
[The snack shop sells spicy strips—fifty cents for others, a dollar for me.]

At this, the viewers burst out laughing.

“These lyrics are genius!”

“Honestly, this song is even catchier than ‘Song of the Single Dog!’”

[I understood by the age of five—people are divided into ranks.]
[The girls others win over with ease, I’d have to try ten times as hard…and still fail!]
[As a person, I have nothing in common with them—we’re not even the same class!]
[So I’ll give up my human dignity, all for a hopeless pursuit!]

“Damn, these lyrics are way too real!”

“I’m a normal person and even I feel attacked—come on, wake up, you hopeless romantics.”

“People and dogs can’t be together.”

[If you want me to sing, I’ll perform for you; if you want to see me dance, I’ll sway just for you.]
[If you want me to act like a dog, I’ll bark at your command.]
[If I’m a dog and you’re a person, if I’m a person, you’re a goddess.]
[But thinking about it, there’s no such thing as a goddess—they’re just ordinary people.]

At this point, Bai Qingming’s words broke the last defenses of the hopeless romantics. There was no point in groveling anymore!

Their spirits were shattered.

“Please, host—stop singing, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Mom, I’ll never be a hopeless romantic again. I’m deleting my goddess from my contacts right now.”

With every line Bai Qingming sang, the comments section erupted anew.

Every lyric rang true. Some female viewers admitted that even their hearts softened after hearing the song, and decided to give their own hopeless admirers a chance—let alone those still idolizing someone as a goddess.

When the song ended, only one or two stubborn souls remained, still posting their comments.

“Host, I understand the logic, but I just can’t do it!”

Faced with this, Bai Qingming thought for a moment and then spoke.

“Here’s a tip: next time you can’t stop yourself from groveling, just remember that your goddess also goes to the bathroom, and sometimes even gets constipated.”

The viewers were stunned, spamming the chat with “666”—the internet’s seal of approval.

Then, that particular viewer responded.

“Thank you, host, I finally get it. I swear, I’ll never be a hopeless romantic again—oh wait, woof woof, my goddess just messaged me!”

The viewers: “???”

Bai Qingming: “???”