Chapter 146: It's not me taking the lie detector test, I'm taking it for a friend

"Who are all these people in your contacts list—Brother Wang, President Zhang, Little Liu...?"
The young man demanded aggressively.
Clearly, he had found these names recorded in her phone.

Realizing she could no longer hide it, the young woman panicked instantly.
"Darling, let me explain! These people... they're just good guy friends of mine!"
Even with her doom imminent, she stubbornly kept up her facade.

Relentless, the young man continued pressing:
"Explain this to me then: why is mine supposedly smaller than everyone else's?"
"A toothpick, is it? What's wrong with a toothpick?"
"And another thing, how could you go around telling people I only last ten seconds? You explicitly promised me that stayed between just the two of us."

As soon as these words left the young man's mouth, the live stream chat exploded.
"Holy crap!"
"The amount of information here is a bit much, give me a moment to digest."
"If he really only lasts ten seconds, I'd say his girlfriend cheating is completely understandable."
"Folks, take my advice: stop watching so much adult content, or this is going to be your fate."
"Delete those magnet links from your phone, go outside more, chat with friends, drink some tea, read a book, relax your mind. By the end of the day, you'll realize watching porn is still way more satisfying, dammit."
"Since you're deleting them anyway, why not share them before you do so you don't regret having nowhere to find them? No ulterior motives here, I'm purely looking out for you all."
"Youth is wasted on not knowing the value of certain things, leaving the elderly to weep into the void. Turn back while you still can, youngsters!"

The viewers chatted away, thoroughly amused.

"Let's break up."
The three words slipped out before the young man could stop them while still on the call with his girlfriend.
To be honest, if she hadn't blabbed about his private matters to others, he might have found it in himself to forgive her.
After all, this girlfriend not only didn't mind his lack of stamina, but she was also quite pretty.
Taking her back to his village for the Lunar New Year would earn him massive prestige; all the local bachelors would praise the butterfly tattoo on her lower back.

But now...
Heh.
No way.
To hell with all of that.

On the other end of the line, hearing him put it that way, the young woman gave up on saving the relationship and immediately fired back without a hint of hesitation.
"Break up then, you five-second wonder! You're just wasting my time—even your brother is better than you!"

With that, as if remembering something, she immediately added:
"Listen up, all you sisters in the live stream: this toothpick guy's name is Song Rentou. Ten seconds is being generous, and that even includes the time it took him to take off his pants! Everybody remember this name, and make sure none of you step into this trap!"

*Beep beep beep—*

Having dropped the young man's full name, she immediately hung up.
In an instant, a chill ran down the young man's spine.

It suddenly dawned on him that he was still connected in a co-host link with Bai Qingming.
With tens of millions of viewers currently watching the stream, wouldn't that practically mean the entire nation now knew he only lasted ten seconds?
The young man was dumbfounded.

In the chat room, uproarious laughter erupted.
"Song Rentou? He should just be called Song Niunai—drop the milk at the door and run."
"Bro, I advise you to go apologize to your girlfriend, otherwise you might end up single for the rest of your life."
"Actually, from a physiological standpoint, human mating is solely for reproduction, which only takes a few seconds anyway. The faster the better, and ten seconds is already quite long."
"Is the person above telling the truth? I haven't read much, don't lie to me! I originally only had one minute and was worried about not finding a girlfriend, but now that you say this, I feel relieved and even a little proud."
...

Watching the barrage of comments scrolling across the screen, Bai Qingming felt his horizons broadening.
The people in this chat were truly a bunch of talented comedians!

Just as he was thinking this, another viewer applied for a mic connection.
"This fan right here, what do you want to test for lies?" Bai Qingming asked after accepting the call.
"Uh..."
The person on the line hesitated, seemingly trying to gather their thoughts.
After a moment, they spoke again.
"Host, hello. Actually, it's not me who wants a lie detector test, I'm asking for a friend of mine."
"A friend?"
Pausing for a second, Bai Qingming understood instantly.
This was the classic "I have a friend" trope.
His viewers were seasoned experts at this maneuver. He hadn't expected to encounter it today.
"Go ahead."
"Alright, but once I say it, nobody is allowed to make fun of me—uh, I mean, make fun of my friend, of course."
The guy was male, and his delivery was quite amusing.
"Spit it out, bro, be bold."
"That's right, we're very compassionate people. No matter how pathetic it is, we won't laugh."
"It's your friend's business, not yours, what are you afraid of?"
"Exactly. I have a friend who was married for ten years and had two kids before realizing he was naturally infertile. When I heard about it, I didn't laugh at all; in fact, just thinking about it almost made me cry."

The viewers chimed in one after another.
Seeing everyone respond this way, the man immediately felt reassured.
"Here's the deal, host."
"I met a girl through a blind date last week. She told me it was her first time dating, her first time having a boyfriend, and I believed her."
"After we stayed together yesterday, I noticed a very long scar, about ten centimeters, right across her stomach."

"I asked her about it, and she said it was left over from an appendectomy she forgot to mention to me."
When the man on the line reached this point in the story, everyone understood.
"Didn't you say just now this happened to your friend? How did it suddenly become you?"
"Slip of the tongue, huh?"
"Another pitiful, honest guy!"
"Do we even need a lie detector for this?"
"As someone who's been through it, bro, take my advice: if you want to live a peaceful life, don't test it. Some things are better left unclarified."
Kind-hearted viewers advised the man one after another.

"So how did you respond to her?"
Bai Qingming asked purely out of curiosity, with no hidden intentions.
Realizing he had accidentally given himself away, the man stopped pretending and decided to throw caution to the wind.
"I just told her that I actually had something I hadn't told her either. I said I had a twin brother who accidentally used my household registration book when he got married, which was why my registration status showed me as married. I asked her if she believed me."

As the man's voice trailed off, the viewers were completely stunned.
"Holy crap, is this what they call psychological warfare?"
"If you really do have a twin brother, I'm sure your girlfriend would be thrilled."
"Asking for a friend: how do you tell twins apart?"
"Why would you need to tell them apart?"
"You're acting a bit suspicious."
"I haven't seen this genre of video before, does anyone have the link?"

In front of their screens, some viewers were already wearing leering grins.
They had thought he was a naive, honest guy, but it turned out he was quite sharp himself.
Still, Bai Qingming was baffled.
Since you already see right through it, is there even any point in doing a lie detector test?

"Your girlfriend told you the scar on her stomach was from an appendectomy, so you want to test whether that statement is false?"
Hearing Bai Qingming phrase it that way, the man was noticeably taken aback.
"No, that's not it."
Then he continued:
"I already know that part is a lie."
"The problem is, my girlfriend also told me that when she had her appendectomy, it didn't hurt at all."
"My appendix has been acting up lately, and I'm planning to go get surgery."
"So I want to run a lie detector test to see if what she said is true."
"Does an appendectomy actually hurt or not?"