Chapter 137: The Bride Is My Cousin

By the roadside.

Old Wang was humming a little tune, his expression shifting along with the melody.

"Little brother, what’s the matter with you?" Old Wang asked, having noticed that Bai Qingming’s complexion didn't look quite right.

Bai Qingming ignored the question, preoccupied with something else. "Where are we eating?"

Bai Qingming loved crashing wedding or funeral banquets more than anything.

Old Wang pointed toward the large hotel across the street. "I’ve already scouted it out. There are several banquets being held there today; we can just walk into any floor and crash the feast."

Hearing the word "crash," Bai Qingming frowned. "Crash? Why not just walk in and eat openly?"

"Of course not. It’s not nearly as satisfying as crashing," Old Wang replied.

In essence, crashing a banquet is much like having an affair. Why do so many people enjoy infidelity? Is it because their wives won't let them touch them? Or because another woman’s cries sound sweeter? None of that is true. On the contrary, if those cheating men poured that same energy into their own wives, their wives would surely be more than willing to cooperate and refuse no position.

The reason some people enjoy affairs is simply because the act itself is thrilling. Sleeping with another man’s wife, sneaking around behind one’s own spouse—could there be anything more stimulating than that?

Yes, there is: when you are at a hotel with your mistress and happen to run into your own wife with your mistress’s husband in the room next door. Perhaps when you finish and step out for a post-coital cigarette, the two men might even offer each other a light, exchange praises about how well their respective partners performed, and then go back inside to finish the job, all while knowing full well their own wives are lying in the very next room.

Aside from that, the second most stimulating activity is crashing a banquet.

Friendly reminder: whether it is infidelity or crashing a banquet, both are unethical. Try to do it sparingly, or you might easily end up getting beaten.

"Aren't you afraid of getting a beating?" Bai Qingming asked.

Old Wang grinned. "It’s precisely because I’m afraid of a beating that I specifically asked you to come along. With both of us here, who could take us on?" Old Wang patted his chest, brimming with confidence.

Bai Qingming felt helpless. *If you want to court death, don't drag me into it!*

"I’m not feeling well, I can't help you with that," Bai Qingming said. This wasn't a lie. That certain area of his was throbbing with pain, which really hampered his combat effectiveness.

As he spoke, he prepared to leave. Just as he turned, Old Wang’s voice rang out from behind.

"I asked around, and I heard there are sixteen dishes on every table today."

Bai Qingming remained unmoved.

"The drinks and beer are bottomless."

Bai Qingming still didn’t stop, taking two more steps forward.

With no other choice, Old Wang pulled out his trump card. "Every table has a braised pork knuckle!"

The moment the words left his lips, Bai Qingming immediately turned back. "You can have all the other dishes, but one thing is non-negotiable: don't touch my pork knuckle!"

...

Only those who have eaten it know that whether it’s a funeral or a wedding, the braised pork knuckle is an absolute masterpiece. Taking a giant bite, skin and meat together, then using the savory sauce to douse your rice—finishing three bowls of white rice is not a problem. Bai Qingming just loved that flavor.

"It's a deal," Old Wang agreed.

He then began to impart some precautions. "Listen, little brother. When we get to the entrance, don’t talk. Just act natural, keep your head down, and walk right in."

"Take these ten plastic bags and stuff them in your pockets. I have more if you run out."

"Once you get inside, find a table near the door; they get served faster."

"As soon as the dishes arrive, grab the high-end stuff first. Try to pack some away while you eat—one bite for your mouth, two for the bag."

"If anyone asks who you are, just say you’re from the bride's side."

"Got it, little brother?" Old Wang spoke rapidly, sharing his hard-earned wisdom. As the saying goes, true brothers share both blessings and disasters. Naturally, he had to bring his best brother along for such a risky endeavor.

And so, the two entered the hotel’s ground floor. The hotel had four floors, and it was said that every floor was hosting a banquet today. It was a paradise for banquet-crashers.

It was hard to tell if it was a wedding or a funeral, but the lobby was already packed. Judging by the music playing, however, it probably wasn't a funeral.

To be honest, it was Bai Qingming’s first time doing this, and he felt a bit guilty. For some reason, there was no one at the entrance to greet guests or collect gift money. Old Wang saw this and was immediately delighted.

He figured the banquet had just started and the person responsible for collecting money had already gone in. They had arrived at the perfect time. Without further ado, the two sat down at an empty spot at a table near the entrance.

The spread was impressive—fish, shrimp, and the pork knuckle hadn't been served yet.

A group of people at the table were chatting. A man was talking to his neighbor, and they seemed quite close.

"Brother, I went on a business trip for half a month, and when I got back, my wife made me a whole table of green dishes: stir-fried cucumber, cucumber salad, cucumber with preserved egg, and cucumber soup. Everything was cucumber! It tasted weird, kind of fishy. Analyze this for me—is my wife cheating and trying to give me a hint?"

Hearing this, the other man clinked his glass against his and consoled him: "Don't worry. Your wife has a mole on her butt. In ancient times, that was called a 'loyalty mole.' Women with moles in that spot are usually very devoted, so your wife would never cheat."

Upon hearing this, the man sighed with relief. "If you put it that way, I can rest easy. Come, let’s drink!"

"Cheers!"

...

On the other side, Old Wang sat down, raised his glass, and greeted the people around him enthusiastically. "Sorry, I’m late. I’ll punish myself with a drink." He downed the glass in one gulp.

*Attention, fans who are here to learn the secret techniques of banquet-crashing: the streamer is using a 'preemptive strike'—it's his signature move. Everyone take notes; learning this trick can dispel people's suspicions.* An old fan was providing commentary in the live stream.

It must be said, looking at Old Wang’s demeanor, no one would suspect he was there just to mooch. However, for some reason, the others at the table began staring at Old Wang with strange expressions. Bai Qingming felt something was off and didn't dare touch his chopsticks.

Just then, a man next to Old Wang spoke up. "Buddy, you two look a bit unfamiliar. I don't think I've seen you before."

Old Wang remained unruffled. To him, this was a minor issue. You must never panic at a time like this. He picked up a piece of pork rib, put it in his mouth, and replied vaguely, "Isn't it normal not to have seen us? We’re relatives from the bride’s side."

After he finished, Bai Qingming chimed in, "Yes, yes, the bride is my cousin."

They thought they had gotten away with it, but to their surprise, everyone at the table stood up.

"The bride’s side?"

"The bride?"

"This is an internal company dinner. Where would there be a bride?"