Chapter 67: The Unruly Villager Wants to Harm Me

Just like that, Li Changluo’s fruit knife was confiscated.

In the past, he’d been dragged around by the tomboy Xiaoqing... Now he was being hauled off by an iron-armed auntie... He couldn’t help but wonder if he was destined to be everyone’s tow truck. Li Changluo had given up struggling; he let the auntie drag him deeper into the residential compound. After crossing two streets, she stopped in front of a villa and began rummaging through her bag for keys.

Li Changluo glanced up at the house number—it wasn’t Number 99 from the comic’s distress signal. But whether or not this was the villa from the comic didn’t matter; the entire community was suspicious, and at the moment, he was barely able to protect himself—how could he possibly worry about the lollipop girl calling for help?

With a sigh, he reached into his pocket and slowly pulled out a shimmering glass marble, inside which the once-vivid green liquid was now tinged with yellow. The color was so questionable that even shameless Li Changluo felt awkward fishing it out in public.

Would a child point at his marble and ask, “Mister, do you carry a chamber pot everywhere?” Or, “Why isn’t your chamber pot shaped like a toy car?” Or even, “Do you… like drinking pee? Is it sweet?”

But Li Changluo had no time for such worries. His attention was on the auntie before him, the one from the paper world. Luckily, the marble still held some liquid—hopefully enough.

“Black sesame, white sesame, wa-ha-ha…” Li Changluo waved the marble, chanting his so-called spell at the auntie, who was still searching for her keys. The glass sphere glimmered even brighter, casting a strange light at the villa’s entrance.

Li Changluo grinned broadly as the auntie stared in astonishment: her mouth agape, utterly dumbfounded—she’d been caught in his trick. He eagerly awaited her response… Would she start cooking incessantly? Or stroke her muscular arm non-stop? Would she break into a plaza dance and never stop?

He waited, delighted, for her to perform. But… something wasn’t right. The auntie’s astonishment lingered, her mouth still wide open, but she didn’t seem to fall under his spell.

Impossible.

“You’re such a considerate young man,” she said cheerily. “You know my eyesight’s poor, so you lit the way for me. If I had a daughter, I’d introduce her to you.” The auntie chuckled kindly.

“Then why were you so surprised?” Li Changluo felt he’d been played for a fool. What was the point of all that jaw-dropping?

“Young man, I don’t care for foul-mouthed youths,” Auntie Li replied, rolling up her sleeve to reveal her entire iron-muscled arm. “I just suddenly remembered I put the key somewhere else. Getting old, you know—my memory isn’t what it used to be. The thought gave me a start, that’s all.”

Who didn’t keep their keys under the mat these days? Li Changluo looked despairingly at his marble, then stuffed it back into his pocket. He’d overthought things. These people belonged to the paper world—could they even think for themselves? As for illusions—what a joke.

This was the end of his rope.

The auntie took a deep breath, crouched down, and started searching for her key—one hand still gripping Li Changluo’s leg to keep him from escaping.

“Auntie, doesn’t your arm get tired?” Li Changluo watched, feeling his spirit leave his body.

“Oh, young folks today just don’t exercise enough. At my age, I can climb to the sixth floor without breaking a sweat.” The ever-enthusiastic auntie chatted as she searched, all the while giving him a lecture about physical fitness.

But unlike the young, who kept their keys under doormats, she’d put hers under the whole house.

Her posture was enough to make Li Changluo break down—shouldering the house, she groped around under its foundation for the key.

The scene was so absurdly surreal it was like watching a cartoon. Nothing felt real; it was as if the entire house were a toy, easily handled by this auntie.

Li Changluo’s face turned pale, then green. Was this fitness training? Auntie, you’re amazing. Shouldering a house for squats, weightlifting, and yoga? With muscles like that, who needs a door? Why not just smash through it?

He had lost all hope for her. In this world, the women—old and young alike—were all abnormal; all superhumanly strong, whether young girls or elderly crones.

At last, the auntie found her key, her thick, powerful hands holding a tiny object. The contrast made Li Changluo suddenly feel that his fate was just like this key: pinched between fingers, fragile and helpless.

He was utterly powerless.

Why bother seeking revenge, playing the hero, or rescuing anyone?

Just then, a commotion broke out in the compound. Suddenly, the whole place was buzzing as if boiling water had spilled everywhere. Every villa’s lights snapped on, and people poured out into the streets—a scene usually seen only during an earthquake.

But Li Changluo, lying on the ground, felt no tremors—just the sound of feet rushing his way.

“Catch that cabbage!”

“My pork and cabbage soup is saved!”

“What a handsome cabbage…”

A swarm of paper-thin people rushed out onto the road, chasing after someone ahead of them.

Li Changluo stared wide-eyed. When he saw who they were chasing, he burst out laughing—it was none other than the one he was looking for: Lord Long Qi.

Clutching his ancient zither, Lord Long Qi sprinted down the road—a man in traditional robes, fleeing through a modern residential area under the moonlight. The image itself was a joke.

Li Changluo forgot his own predicament, clapping gleefully as he watched. Sometimes, people only need to see someone worse off to forget their own troubles. As long as someone else was more miserable, why not just enjoy the spectacle?

But soon Lord Long Qi noticed him, pausing in surprise. His usually icy face twisted with complex emotions—perhaps he hadn’t expected Li Changluo to find him here, or maybe he felt contempt—how could you be laughing like a pig at a time like this?

Li Changluo was overjoyed. Heaven’s justice prevails—now it was this arrogant demon’s turn to be humiliated. Let’s see how long he can keep up the act. After all, ancient robes and running for your life do go hand in hand with acting pretentious.

Yet Li Changluo never imagined Lord Long Qi would try to rescue him in the middle of his own escape. Lord Long Qi plucked a string on his zither—a beam of white light shot out, instantly severing the iron grip on Li Changluo’s leg.

Just like last time when Li Changluo tore off the auntie’s arm, she remained unfazed. But what happened next made Li Changluo suspect that Lord Long Qi wasn’t saving him at all—was he trying to get him killed instead?