Chapter 5: A Madman with the Mind of a Serpent
Snake maniac!
Li Changlu could never have imagined that this adorable girl would turn out to be a snake—a white snake.
Her head had completely transformed into that of a serpent, flicking a crimson tongue at him. Yet her body remained that of a human: youthful and vibrant.
Yes, quite voluptuous.
But Li Changlu had no time to appreciate such things; he tried to push the snake spirit off him, but failed. The girl's hands pinned his arms tightly, rendering him immobile, and her weight pressed him firmly to the floor. Li Changlu felt utterly humiliated—how could he, of all people, be subdued by a girl? And not just subdued, but overpowered by brute force. If word got out…
Would more monster girls come to overpower me?
Ah, a man must know how to protect himself when out in the world.
He considered calling for help, but…
No, he thought better of it. A grown man pinned to the ground by a snake spirit, crying out for help—what would that look like? Even the illustrious Xu Xian would have laughed at him.
Go ahead, even if you beat me to death, I won’t make a sound.
Come then, stretch forth your wicked claws, I will never bow to you.
Li Changlu glared wide-eyed at the snake spirit, meeting her gaze with defiance, not even bothering to struggle anymore as he lay on the ground.
The white snake flicked her tongue back and forth before his eyes, again and again.
“Aren’t you going to bite me or not? Your drool is about to drip on me—it’s disgusting.”
“Why aren’t you fainting yet?” she asked.
“Why should I faint?”
“If you faint, it’s easier for me to cut.”
“Cut what?”
“Obviously, cut this.”
The snake spirit’s head gradually returned to that of an adorable girl, her eyes, white as snow, shifting their gaze down to Li Changlu’s waist.
She was staring at the fruit knife he’d tied to his belt.
Only then did Li Changlu realize: to prevent the knife from being lost, he’d tied it with a leather cord. The snake spirit must want to cut the cord and steal his fruit knife.
The world’s really going to the dogs—even fruit knives get stolen now?
If you want to steal, just steal; but why make me imagine all sorts of things?
This is just too much.
Outright bullying.
And to make matters worse, this slip of a girl was actually stronger than him.
A wave of shame washed over him, and Li Changlu opened his mouth to cry for help.
Smack!
The cute girl slapped his face, stinging like fire.
“Normally, aren’t you supposed to cover my mouth so I can’t call for help?” Li Changlu was surprised, kindly reminding the would-be robber of proper procedure.
“Go on then, use your wicked lips to silence this victim!”
He puckered his lips and leaned in to kiss her.
The girl, startled, freed one hand and slapped him again.
Smack!
Another resounding slap.
Li Changlu had only intended to provoke her into freeing his hands, so he could fight back. But even when she let go, he found he was too weak to move, his limbs limp from her crushing grip.
Did this snake spirit eat Huluwas for breakfast?
Smack!
Smack!
Smack!
The girl kept slapping him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Li Changlu was dazed by the blows, never expecting such a cute girl to hit so hard.
“Trying to knock you out!”
“Why are you so determined to knock me out? Does it even matter at this point? And why must you keep slapping just one side of my face? Can’t you use a gentler method? You were doing fine just now—one blow with the stick and I’d be spared all this suffering.”
“Oh, alright!”
Li Changlu hadn’t expected the snake spirit to be so literal. She immediately picked up the wooden stick from the floor and prepared to knock him out again.
“Xiao Qing, you damned snake, faking illness again! Where are you hiding?”
At that moment, a burly, bearded figure appeared at the top of the stairs—a living chili pepper, all muscle like a yak.
He wore a tight green shirt and green gym pants, grumbling as he searched.
A chili pepper in gym pants, with a body like a fitness model.
Li Changlu’s eyes stung just looking at him.
He wondered how such a chili pepper monster could have died—dancing aerobics while munching spicy peppers, maybe?
Usually, the tavern was quiet except when quests were being handed out or during group meals. The second floor was even emptier—hardly a shadow ever appeared. That’s why Li Changlu’s habit of peeping had gone unpunished so often.
Suddenly, a monster had come upstairs.
Li Changlu was secretly delighted. Though his eyes burned from the sight, he felt a strange sense of kinship.
Looks like I’m saved. This snake maniac must be the very ‘Xiao Qing’ he’s looking for.
A white snake named Xiao Qing?
But as soon as Xiao Qing heard the voice, she slipped away like a wisp of smoke and hid in a corner beneath the wooden stairs.
“Hey, kid, what are you lying there for?”
The chili pepper monster in gym pants spotted Li Changlu on the ground, his tone gruff.
“I just like lying here. If you want, you can come lie down too.”
“Heh, you’ve got some attitude, kid.”
With his size, most monsters wouldn’t dare offend him; they’d always speak politely. But this brat actually dared to talk back.
He tensed, his muscles bulging menacingly.
Then, with exaggerated slowness, he reached into his shirt, pretending to do so casually, and pulled out a thick gold chain.
He stroked it menacingly, as if to say, “It’s been a while since I showed this off. Maybe you’ve forgotten who you’re dealing with.”
“Hey, kid, have you seen a cute little snake-girl around here—a snake spirit?”
He kept flaunting his chain, voice as gruff as ever.
Li Changlu wondered if this guy was actually a chain monster.
Hiding in the stairwell, the snake spirit Xiao Qing shook her head at Li Changlu, pleading with her eyes.
Li Changlu, aching all over and clutching his swollen face, struggled to sit up.
He grinned at the snake spirit, but the pain made him suck in a breath. Still, he nodded to her, giving her a reassuring look.
The snake spirit sighed in relief, patting her… ample chest.
She gave him a grateful gesture and a bright, sunny smile.
“She’s over there—the snake spirit’s hiding in the corner.”
Clutching his swollen face, Li Changlu grinned and pointed straight at Xiao Qing.
Her sunny smile froze on her face.
“You little brat, get over here!” The chili pepper monster yanked the snake spirit from her hiding place.
She didn’t resist at all, staring woodenly at the young man before her, who had a hint of handsomeness.
Where was the warm-hearted big brother she’d expected?
Was trust between monsters really so fragile?
Mama, I want to go home. This world is not worth it.
Li Changlu kept grinning at the snake spirit; if his face weren’t so swollen, he would have pulled a funny face at her—then stuck out his tongue.
Revenge cannot wait, not even a minute.
That’s a matter of principle, no matter how cute or pitiful you look.
The chili pepper monster, still gripping the snake spirit, turned to leave, but then paused and looked back at Li Changlu.
“Haven’t I seen you before? Aren’t you that… that monster-human guy?”
He glanced at Li Changlu with disdain, then laughed, “With a demon power of one? You really are trash, huh?”
Everyone has their sore spots, even if others find them trivial.
But pain is pain all the same.
A gentleman might swallow his anger, grit his teeth and say, “If others do not understand me, I do not complain,” and move on as if nothing happened.
But a petty man cannot. And Li Changlu—when his sore spot is poked—certainly cannot.
So, better to offend a petty man than to offend Li Changlu.