Chapter 4 Cut It Off

"Why are you here too?"

Li Changlu was following the Dung Monster, and Hei Wa was following Li Changlu.

"If one calf is happy, it’s not as good as all the calves being happy together."

"Come on, you’re the calf here! Your whole family are calves! The saying goes, 'Better to share joy than to keep it to oneself.' Please, get it right."

Li Changlu and Hei Wa hid by the corridor on the second floor. The Dung Monster looked around warily, then carefully pushed open a door and slipped inside.

The second floor was the guest quarters of the tavern, dimly lit, with a lantern hanging outside every room, their candlelight flickering gently.

Li Changlu often came upstairs, but he’d never really figured out who all the guests were. What he did know, though, was where the errand boy’s room was. The errand boy’s surname was Zheng, and his given name was Zheng Oddball.

A tavern usually had a manager, an accountant, a master chef, and a few waiters—like the errand boy.

But things here were odd.

In the entire past month, Li Changlu had only ever seen the eccentric errand boy Zheng Oddball and the alluringly charming chef, Miss Mingshan.

Hei Wa was just as baffled about the rest. He didn’t even know what a manager or a chef actually did.

The Dung Monster had once claimed there was a foreigner at the entrance, learning to sing obscure Chinese characters, and only those who could sing them right could get in. But Li Changlu was puzzled—how had Hei Wa sneaked in? Was it his "fluent" use of idioms?

"What are you doing?" Li Changlu saw Hei Wa about to poke a hole in the errand boy’s paper window with his finger.

"In your TV dramas, isn’t this how you always peep? By poking through the paper window?"

These foreigners really had been led astray.

Li Changlu found it amusing too—why did our ancestors always poke through the paper when they wanted to peep? How much paper must have been wasted every year, spying on pretty girls?

If it were up to me, I’d smear poison all over the paper. Poke a hole, drop dead; one after another, until they learned their lesson.

Thank goodness Miss Mingshan, who lived next door to the errand boy, didn’t think like that, or I’d be dead several times over by now.

"Is there any point in peeping at two men?" Li Changlu nodded toward the warmly lit room next door and lowered his voice, "Miss Mingshan takes a bath every night after cooking."

"You despicable guy, you really do know how to look on the bright side."

"Stop talking nonsense. Are you in or not?"

"In!!!"

So, Li Changlu moistened his finger and carefully poked a hole in Miss Mingshan’s paper window.

The two "monsters" squeezed together, faces flushed, spying on the spring scene inside.

Li Changlu’s neck ached, and all he could see through the haze was a graceful silhouette behind a folding screen, undressing piece by piece.

Truthfully, every time, it was like looking at flowers through the fog—he didn’t care about the result. It was the thrill of the process that mattered.

Next door, however, things seemed far less peaceful in Zheng Oddball’s room.

"I’ll beat you to death, you monster!"

"I’ll smack you..."

"What are you taking out that thing for?"

"Stay away from me..."

"Liby soap?"

Li Changlu couldn’t help but laugh.

Suddenly, there was a crash and clatter from the room. The door flew open, and the Dung Monster, clothes in disarray and terror on his face, sprinted out in panic.

Zheng Oddball, holding a bar of Liby soap, stood in the doorway with half his shoulder showing, a pale face adorned with a victorious and seductive smile.

Utterly shameless.

No wonder even the two-thousand-year-old Dung Monster had to flee for his life.

Unbearable, truly unbearable.

Of course, Li Changlu and Hei Wa, who’d been peeping outside, were caught red-handed. As Li Changlu’s mind raced to think of an excuse, Zheng Oddball merely sneered, twisted his waist, and slammed the door shut.

Startled, Li Changlu and Hei Wa quickly turned back, resuming their earnest surveillance of Miss Mingshan’s bathing.

But the elegant room was empty—the shadow undressing behind the screen had vanished.

"Don’t look with your eyes—you’ll be misled. And don’t listen with your ears—they might be hearing lies. Just take time and feel with your heart. What’s fake can’t be real, and what’s real can’t be faked."

"Li, what are you saying? Every word is chicken—so profound!"

"Shh, close your eyes and watch with your heart."

"Oh!"

Hei Wa obediently shut his eyes, genuinely believing he’d see something entirely new.

But it was useless.

When he opened his eyes again, Li Changlu had vanished.

But he truly saw something different—a bright, beautiful face, with a dazzling smile, was looking right at him.

"So it’s you, little brat, who’s been poking all those holes in my window!"

"I’ll beat you to death, you filthy pervert!!!"

Agonized screams echoed through the Monster Tavern, chilling the hearts of all the monsters waiting downstairs for their assignments.

Only Li Changlu strolled out from the second floor, grinning.

Foreign monsters were still far too green.

If someone sneaks a bite, someone else must take the beating.

You can’t just eat without consequence—beatings are part of the bargain.

Of course, you could always sneak a bite while getting beaten.

Looking every bit the world-wise elder, Li Changlu took out a cigarette and lit up.

He felt so clever, it almost went to his head—so clever, in fact, that a dizzy spell swept over him.

Because—

He took a solid blow to the head.

As he slipped into unconsciousness, he swore in his heart that when he woke, he’d kick the bastard who’d struck him to death.

But some things—well, dreams are full, and reality is...

Also full.

First, Li Changlu caught a whiff of fragrance—a woman’s scent.

Could it have been that witch Mingshan?

He struggled to open his eyes, and saw a slender...

But very full-figured woman sprawled across him.

Her hands were wandering all over him.

Damn, was she about to...

Was she going to explore whether true friendship could exist between men and women?

I’m too pure for this. I don’t even understand the theory! What am I going to do?

I’d better just stay quiet.

So Li Changlu kept his eyes closed, bit his lip, and acted the part of a wronged little wife...

Continuing to feign unconsciousness.

"Cut it off!"

Her voice was lovely—sweet and clear—but something felt off.

Li Changlu suddenly realized—startled, he opened his eyes.

A pair of large eyes and an adorable face stared back at him in alarm.

Their eyes met.

Li Changlu finally saw that the girl in front of him was about seventeen or eighteen, wearing a white T-shirt—yes, very full.

She had on denim shorts—also very full.

Her long, straight black hair was a bit of a mess.

She was holding a pair of scissors.

What caught Li Changlu’s curiosity was that those big eyes—her irises were white.

What the hell, had he run into a ninja?

"You’re awake?" the girl said, brushing her hair behind her ear. Suddenly, she smiled—radiant as spring, foolish and innocent.

What was that smile supposed to mean?

Had she been captivated by my handsome face?

But what happened next nearly made Li Changlu wet himself.