Chapter 36: The Mobile Phone Monster

Axes and blades sliced through the air.
They brushed past Li Changluo's nose—this was the first time he'd felt so close to death.
The last time he died, he hadn't even known what it felt like.
He hadn't even gotten the chance to experience what kind of status a full funeral service could bring.
But...
When faced with true mortality, few people remain calm. Just like Li Changluo, whose mind now held only one word: live.
I want to live.
Living is wonderful—there are steamed buns to eat.
"Stop pretending to be dead, your eyelashes just moved."
Panting, Xiaoqing shoved aside the rascal feigning unconsciousness in her arms.
She touched her back—thankfully, only her clothes were torn. She'd just taken a gamble, darting through the crossing blades and axes, leaping out, bursting through the main gate, and tumbling into the primary burial chamber.
She’d won.
Seizing every opportunity—a true talent.
Li Changluo hadn't lost, either. At least...
The steamed buns tasted good.
The two stone generals guarding the door seemed to have resumed their old patrol, pacing before the main chamber's entrance, apparently forgetting they'd just let two intruders slip by.
Li Changluo sighed inwardly.
As expected—things without life.
Indifferent.
"I’ll come over and help you."
Xiaoqing prepared to leap out again.
"Don't come. As long as these stone monsters don't attack, we can make it ourselves."
Wang Fatty quickly stopped Xiaoqing’s action, shooting a meaningful look at Li Changluo.
Li Changluo sprang up from the ground.
Why is he looking at me like that?
Is he doubting my abilities?
Could it be...
He wants to pass me some skills?
Like in the martial arts novels?
But... do I have to strip bare for that? That’s a bit embarrassing.
"Li, quick, catch me!"
Li Changluo was still tangled up in thoughts of how skill transmission worked when Heiwa had already transformed into a hamster, gripping the tomb wall and scurrying across like a nimble mouse.
But as he passed through the ancient stone gate, the two stone generals moved.
Luckily, Heiwa dodged swiftly, clambering over the stone ceiling and slipping inside.
The stone generals’ axes slammed heavily against the wall, making the tomb shake violently.
Perhaps they’d injured the tomb monster.

Heiwa, clinging to the ceiling, suddenly dropped, crying out for Li Changluo.
Li Changluo opened his arms in a token gesture to catch him.
Bang!
Heiwa crashed down hard, his face blooming with bruises and blood streaming from his nose.
"Li, were you spacing out? Why didn’t you catch me?"
Heiwa complained, wiping his nose.
"It wouldn’t have made a difference—you’d have fallen anyway. Why bother?"
"Oh, right. Sorry." Heiwa tasted the words, unable to find any flaw in them.
Next was Wang Fatty. With a light leap, he stepped onto the attacking blades, used their momentum, and hopped easily through the stone gate.
It was graceful.
It was dashing.
Wang Fatty was quite pleased, chuckling to himself, but wondered why, apart from Xiaoqing, the other two looked so disappointed.
Shouldn't this be the moment for—
Wow, you’re amazing.
So strong.
Handsome, your figure is so round.
And all sorts of fan-girling.
What he didn’t know was that Li Changluo and Heiwa were feeling let down—like spectators at a diving competition, waiting for a mistake meme, only for a perfect entry instead.
How could they stand it?
Showing off in front of a pretty girl—how could they stand it?
People say women are jealous, but men are too; only women envy women, and men envy the women around other men.
"Fatty bro?"
"Hmm?"
"Why don’t you jump again? You were too fast, I didn’t see clearly."
...
Having dodged the two monsters guarding the ancient tomb’s gate, they arrived at its heart: the main burial chamber, the place where the tomb’s owner was laid to rest.
In truth, the tomb wasn’t large—it was more of a modest affair, the owner likely a local official or rich man from ancient times.
Aside from a long passage, there were only two side chambers for burial goods and the main chamber.
Compared to the tombs of princes and nobles, it was pitifully small.
But Li Changluo and his companions weren’t tomb robbers; if not for chasing the corpse ginseng monster, they wouldn’t have come here at all.
Yet, even this shabby tomb hadn’t escaped thieves—the chamber’s contents had been plundered, leaving little behind.
When Li Changluo first discovered the corpse ginseng monster in the side room, he’d found only a few ruined coffins, let alone any gold or silver.
"Let’s look around, see if there’s anything unusual?"
Wang Fatty began searching everywhere.
Li Changluo and Heiwa, lanterns in hand, carefully searched the tomb’s surroundings.
They were working hard.

After all, getting out was the most important thing.
They searched for ages, finding nothing—not even a coffin lid.
Li Changluo wanted to check the side chambers.
"There’s a mirror here!"
Xiaoqing shouted loudly.
A mirror in the burial chamber?
They hurried over.
Indeed, in a corner of the main chamber stood a mirror, taller than a person.
But this mirror was odd, nothing like the rare ancient mirrors usually found in tombs.
It looked more like a modern object.
Just as everyone was puzzled, the mirror suddenly lit up without warning.
Inside was a scantily clad woman, reclining on a sofa, her beauty in full bloom...
Sensual—beyond compare.
Everyone was stunned.
This wasn’t a mirror—it was a phone.
"Li, I feel like my body is dead but not stiff,"
"Are you some kind of centipede? You’re just a hamster, stop misusing idioms."
Li Changluo was tired, wanting to pat his head, but couldn’t lift his hand. He realized Heiwa meant his body couldn’t move.
Even his head couldn’t turn, only able to stare at the phone screen.
"I think we’re trapped—this is a phone monster?"
Wang Fatty noticed the phone was no ordinary device.
"It really is a phone monster—it has hands, feet, and a head."
Xiaoqing looked up—a head, masked in black, hovered above the phone screen, smiling down at them.
"Can you move?"
Li Changluo tried to turn his head to look at Xiaoqing, but couldn’t, as if frozen like the fairy maidens at the Peach Banquet by Sun Monkey, except Li Changluo could still move his mouth and speak.
"Why are you all staring blankly at the phone?"
Could it be because of the woman inside, so entranced?
Xiaoqing was curious. She waved her hand in front of the three, but none blinked.
Men, all the same.
"Wife, I think we’re being controlled by the phone monster."
"So why am I fine?"
"Because... you’re missing a nerve."