Chapter 133: Master, I'm a Man

Heiwa’s choice of idiom was technically correct, but Li Changluo found it highly inappropriate.

What "freeloading"? I am going to exorcise demons! How dare you call what I’m doing freeloading?

"Yo, heading out so early?"

Just then, Zheng Qiguai, the tavern’s waiter, sashayed over with a tray, his hips swaying in a provocative manner.

"Little Li, why are you looking at me like that? You're so annoying! We're colleagues now, so you'll have plenty of time to get to know me. Don't be so impatient..."

Zheng Qiguai flicked his pinky, adjusted his vest, and fanned himself, laughing and teasing Li Changluo.

...

"Are you injured? Did mosquitoes bite you? The mosquitoes in your country are truly vigorous, full of spirit and bravado..."

Heiwa stared at Zheng Qiguai in astonishment, for his neck was covered in small, red "blood marks"—they seemed to blanket his entire neck.

"Oh, you! How can you say such things? Do you really think mosquitoes could leave marks like this?" Zheng Qiguai, as if flaunting a hard-won trophy, pulled his collar down even further and pointed to his neck.

This display reminded Li Changluo of the bizarre habits of Luo Shixin in the *Romance of Sui and Tang*, who, after defeating enemy generals, would slice off their noses and collect them to show off his exploits.

Except...

"Can you please put your clothes back on?"

Li Changluo’s eyes were hurting. To show off the hickeys on his neck, Zheng Qiguai had reached a level of depravity where he had actually stripped off his shirt entirely.

"I like it this way. What business is it of yours?"

Zheng Qiguai continued to shamelessly display his "trophies." *Look how fierce I am... Look, aren't the hickeys on my neck beautiful? Look, you two single losers wouldn't understand this, would you?*

Zheng Qiguai struck various poses, preening and posturing before Li Changluo and Heiwa.

"Li, seeing him like this makes me feel uneasy. My faith compels me to help this young man. What do you think?" Heiwa looked at Li Changluo with firm resolve. Li Changluo nodded in silent agreement.

"What are you two doing? Hey, stop it..."
"Indecent assault!"
"You hooligans!"
"How annoying, you two foul male demons!"
"I spit on you..."

Li Changluo and Heiwa very kindly stripped off Zheng Qiguai’s neat, crisp suit trousers as well, leaving him in nothing but a pair of yellow SpongeBob SquarePants boxers.

"Hmm, that looks much more balanced now."

Li Changluo and Heiwa rested their chins in their hands, critiquing their masterpiece with great satisfaction.

***

Zheng Qiguai never imagined these two little demons would be so despicable and shameless as to pull his pants down in broad daylight. Blushing with indignation, he stomped his feet at them, grabbed his trousers, and fled, his hips swaying as he disappeared amidst the laughter of the other monsters in the lobby.

Just then, Li Changluo’s phone rang. It was a text message. He picked it up and saw a familiar number. Curious, he opened it, and it contained only two words: *Don't go.*

Li Changluo pondered the unfamiliar number and finally realized: wasn't this the contact number Zheng Qiguai had given him last time?

*Don't go*—what did that mean? Could this old guy have found out about the task the shopkeeper had given him so quickly?

However, just as Li Changluo was at a loss, the phone rang again. It was another text from Zheng Qiguai: *Go your granddaddy.*

Li Changluo froze. Was the old guy just bad at typing? Did he mean to write "Go, your granddaddy" (a common insult) and accidentally typed "Don't go, your granddaddy"?

Li Changluo silently replied with one character: *Screw you!*

"Let’s go. I’ll take you to do some freeloading..." Li Changluo put his phone away and called for Heiwa. After all, having an extra person meant having someone else to take the fall.

"Li, I can go with you, but you have to let me wear that outfit of yours..." Heiwa stood his ground, arms crossed, looking haughtily at the Taoist robe Li Changluo was wearing. Li Changluo laughed and, without a second thought, promptly stripped off his robe and gave it to Heiwa to wear.

They took a taxi the whole way and finally found the address provided by White Lotus in a newly developed high-end residential complex in Lincheng.

However, as soon as they stepped out of the taxi, they caught the attention of the security guards at the complex. Their eyes were locked on Heiwa. It wasn't the guards' fault for being alert; anyone who saw a foreign black man wandering the streets in a Taoist robe would be inclined to stare. They had heard of foreign monks chanting sutras, but this was the first time they’d seen a foreign Taoist—a black Taoist at that.

"You two, stop right there!"

Sure enough, before they could even reach the gate, a group of security guards rushed over and blocked their path. Li Changluo had intended to call the wealthy boss directly, but the line remained busy.

"What are you doing here?" a middle-aged security guard asked, gesturing for them to come closer.

"I don't know him," Li Changluo said, looking away and standing as far as he could.

"You there! People in outlandish costumes are not allowed in or out of this complex..." The middle-aged man and his team of guards surrounded Heiwa.

Li Changluo’s phone rang, but he felt a bit disappointed. He had been looking forward to watching a spectacle—a foreign Taoist battling Chinese security guards—but the call came through so quickly that he knew without guessing it must be that wealthy boss.

He answered. "Hello?"

A man’s voice came from the other end. "Is this Boss Li?"

"Are you Baldy Qiang?" Li Changluo asked.

There was a long silence on the other end before the man replied, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Li Changluo was baffled. Was this Boss Li crazy?

"Wait, don't hang up! I remember now..." the voice on the other end shouted excitedly.

"..." Li Changluo.

"May I ask... do you need insurance? If you don't need insurance, that's fine, we also offer loans, help with elementary school homework, and subscription-based updates..." The person on the other end suddenly began aggressively pitching various services.

Li Changluo: *#%@&*...

He was so angry he nearly threw his phone. Were the telemarketers in this world this intense? They were even trying to sell services to monsters?

Li Changluo hung up the phone with a savage jab. He had blocked these numbers countless times, yet they always managed to call at the most critical moments.

"Let me tell you, this Feng Shui is also known as geomancy..."
"Different colors possess different energy wavelengths..."
"The Black Tortoise hides its head, the Azure Dragon lacks feet, the White Tiger carries a corpse..."
"Master Hei, so these past few days, I've had a stomachache in the middle of the night. Have I offended something?"
"It's likely the Feng Shui in your home is poor, causing your menstrual irregularities..."
"Master, I'm a man..."